I think there are certain times in our lives where it is appropriate to say what needs to be said. Like today, today I feel whole-heartedly that sometimes life just sucks. There’s really no graceful way of explaining this one true reality, but say it to anyone and they will nod their head knowingly and reply, “yes, yes it does.”
Over the weekend, on Saturday, Tim and I found out that we lost our baby. I woke up Saturday morning and knew that something was wrong. After contacting my doctor, we drove into the ER as she suggested and after several tests and ultrasounds, it was concluded that at 13 weeks, I had miscarried.
For all those who’ve gone through this before, my heart and love goes out to you. You know the shock, heartbreak and disbelief that follows being told you are no longer carrying a living child. They told us that there was nothing we could have done, and I know they say it to make you feel better, but what an overwhelming sense of being powerless and out of control. It was heartbreaking for both Tim and I and we’ve taken the last couple of days to rest, heal and digest this reality. I feel like we’ve joined some kind of club no one should ever have to be a part of.
However, through our grief, I know that a beautiful new little saint has been called home to heaven. It has also created a renewed sense of gratefulness about how incredibly blessed we’ve been as a family. Tim has been my greatest support and strength, through everything we’ve encountered together, and I love him truly, deeply and wholly. We have two beautiful little girls who continue to grow and surprise us every day and I am so thankful to be their mom. We will continue to heal through this, and even though right now life is pretty much sucking the big one, I am so blessed in so many ways and find comfort in the amazing support of our friends, family and the complete strangers that have helped us a long the way.